babydoll xxx

20.52 dollhouse


i went to peek at something i see,
everytime i came in
i didnt know that it was me...


a year on, i thought it was just a fantasy..
this Man who found me,

He has clear blue eyes like the sea
skin as white as snow
His lips as red as a childs bow...

will He want me?
i truly hoped so...

i was a birthday gift from the year that has passed,
a year on i find myself beside Him celebrating another year..
a year that i thought would have already lapsed...

there were tears,there was laughter..
i have my moments of ...disasters haha

of all the babies i met and had known in the past year,
i wonder where they are now?or were they luckier than most?
did anyone made their dreams come true?

was there anyone other than me who fell inlove,
was loved back in return?

through these months that passed so fast
i found a Sugar friend,we wonder how all of the others are...

did they find happiness in money?a house? a job? a car maybe?

we plan to meet them soon,to see how everyone is doing
but when i think about it, i know everyone will be curious
then we all have to tell...the tihng is i cant bloody lie!
and the last thing i want is to hurt some ones feelings..

you see,aside from me,since the last time,
all i saw from my sugar friends unfortunately ...
is misery :(

and when i am alone,i know i am also on my own,
i have times i get lonely, or i question my decisions...
but from everything i have done ,everyone i have known...
He was the only Man who took responsibility of looking after me...

but ofcourse,He cant be mine,i knew that from the start...
and still i love Him from the bottom of my heart

this agreement we have ,i never thought it will last..
but still things are planned things that will make things last

we went to look at properties,and we were shown something unexpected..
its a tudor mansion and inside it was the most sweetest studio house

dreams...
when i was a young girl,i thought that if i close my eyes really tightly
and wish for something,it will happen...
if i prayed really hard it will be given...

but now i know i have to make it happen..

when i feel sad and lonely,i think of the past...
and i cant imagine going through all those things...
and still be here..
and still life can be cruel but atleast i can cope better than i did before..

and now,
knowing i will never be perfect,imperfect life,imperfect situations..
bruised and broken hearted with a wandering soul

inspite of it all there is Someone patching me up,
putting all my pieces together...like a puzzle,
patiently sewing the threads of my life...



i try to hide the feelings inside...
but still He can see through me,feel me

at first i couldnt understand,why?
now i undrstand because He had become a part of me


thats why when i feel broken,
imperfect,
He holds me tight...
He is the one that makes me feel whole...

bittersweet situations that sometimes i felt ,
if only i could change the world and make everything right..
i would if i could with all my might xxx

babydoll..a year on xxx

Aug. 09, 2012

23.35

dollhouse


again...

i had dream ...

and my dream was You xxx

wow a year on ,we are still here

how time flew by,
i never thought it could go on this long!

and still....


i am still inlove with Him like it was yesterday

amazing how busy we could be,

and still...

we are here...

the Olympics had come and soon gone,
but all the excitement cant compare to what i feel for us at all...

last Saturday we had a good night at Hyde Park,watching Olympians win gold
and also watched the concert after but still...

its Him that i want more...

its been a year full of surprises,
filled with magic,

with love and laughter..

i never thought there could be something that will come out of this...

but it all happened as if it was meant to happen
everything just comes naturally and we didnt even have to plan it...

this time last year,i was nervous to meet with this stranger,
actually i was terrified that He wont want me ...
and if He did will it even work out?

but then i saw Him that first night, waiting for me there..
i knew He was someone i would love...inspite of...
how strange to feel this way,
for someone i wont know if He will even stay?

....and still

we are here...

i know this is not the most conventional of relationships,
but i wont ever change it for anything in the world,
for this is the reason why i found the love that i could never have felt...
that i never had,
that i never would have given...


the happiness that could never be bought with any amount of money..
but was found in the same currency...

yes we crossed the line,broke the rules...
but by doing this,it made us whole xxx

like a missing link on a chain,
rain to the drought...
half of a missing part of some ones heart ...

yes,she said...

i feel like Icarus flying close to the sun...

i know how it turns out,

and still...

i am here...

for You nothing was impossible,
there was nothing that we cant have,
we cant do,we cant surpass?

how come?
thats because we believed we could...

yes my Darling, we are a year older...
but are we any wiser? for the things that keeps coming our way?

but all i know that i am Yours and i like to think that You are mine xxx
even in my dream, its all about You ...

but all the time its not the dream i chase around...

i realized i am chasing the sun,

thats because it is where You are all the time...
my life was filled with a lot of love and a lot of light..

i never have a problem trying to figure a lot of things in my life..

some were answered, some were not...
those that are still  left un answered i know one day they will be..

but as of now,this is where i want to be...
sat next to You,

in my dreams...
in my reality xxx

this is for You my Darling , happy anniversary this day came as a surprise...
i never knew this time last year,that we will be sat somewhere,
in another place
a different time,
but still feeling the same...